Thursday, March 18, 2010

I think ideally, you always want to be able to look at your child and marvel.
Let's be honest - not always the case.
Temper tantrums? Not cute.
Yelling, "Go away mommy - go to the kitchen?" Also not cute.

A little perspective helps. It's hard to balance just appreciating the boy and being fatalistic about it.
I don't think I want to elaborate greatly upon this.

It's funny in a situation like this - not to let fear guide your relationship. This feeling that we have to get in some family time before surgery - make sure he visits the relatives.... JUST IN CASE.
Just in case what?
David advises that the only option to be prepared for is that Sullivan will have a quick stay in the hospital and will be back home before we know it. To entertain any other possibility is unfair. To voice these fears....yikes. It gives a name to something you don't have to and don't want to name.
So the question. How to coexist with these fears? How to show the 3 year old that we all will be brave? That there's nothing to worry about and that we'll all be home soon?
Well, that is the question. Mommy may look peaceful on the outside, but keep that heart far from him just now.


Cognitive Dissonance said...

Fear is a funny thing. At Disney yesterday I witnessed a 6-7 year old girl go missing. I saw the parents, the security. the police all doing there roles to find this little girl. All the while a dread was in my heart about how I would feel if that were me. It was almost paralyzing. I literally stood without moving. (she was located and returned-happy ending) But what if she was not? Really do we as mortal really control any of that? Could I control or alter those events? Of course you and I would say no. We can work to make the environment and the circumstances that we (think) can be controlled to minimize risk. In the end though we do not control the outcome. But the fear no the less is real and creeps in.

I never used to fear death. Since having kids, I fear the loss and pain on death like never before. But in the end I can not no matter what I do or how hard I try keep anyone here for any second longer.

My resolve then, knowing that God is in control. "I am going to live my life to bring glory an honor to Christ by enjoying the time (seconds) I have been given on earth and to help others enjoy their time." Spend 5 minutes with me and you will see that this is not always the case, but I like to think i am a work in progress.

I think I just committed verbal (typing) diarrhea. Oh well, hope all goes well and we will continue to pray for Sullivan/you.

Anonymous said...

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