Wednesday, March 3, 2010

I decided you're either two types of mom these days -
are you a Dooce or a SouleMamma?
I prefer Dooce - this morning, instead of talking about her latest embroidery project or the wonderful home baked goods she worked so hard on, she wrote about how at breakfast when she poured the bacon grease into the plastic bowl, it melted. YES! I've done that...I get it.
I have to be honest, I'm about to permanently block the latter....
It's not her specifically, but it's the whole idea of what a "good mother" is and does.
If I read one more post about snuggling with her kids in front of the fire while they all work on their respective knitting projects, I'm might vomit.
I don't mean to pick on her.....she offers a lot of great ideas....she and her little creative genius brood. (note heavy sarcasm...)
Where are all the moms posting about messy houses and kids who are in daycare?? About how they've had the same project sitting in their sewing box since 2008?? That's what I want to hear about. Good ideas aren't inspiring anymore - they're downright depressing. When did we all become so self-involved and vain? Where are all the real people?

Hey - I'm not complaining here - I have plenty to be thankful for - I'm just under the impression that there's not much support out there for moms who aren't creative wizards. Or who don't have the time to be creative wizards.
I've chosen to go and do what I do - D and I both work full-time. We haven't figured out how to fit exercise into our weekly schedule and we pretty much rely heavily on leftovers. I let my son watch Curious George on occasion when we both come into the house grouchy and tired from long days. The thing is, I'm willing to bet that he'll grow up to be (hopefully) just as (or even more) self-adjusted and interesting as the kids knitting in front of the fire. It's all the imperfections in our lives that make it just perfect for us.


Jane said...

leah and i had a convo on fb about this yesterday and i am finishing up a blog post on the same topic- stay tuned!

Amy from Occupation: Mommy said...

I think you need to find some new blogs to read. May I suggest She is hilarious, a working mom, definitely not perfect, chronicles the failures as well as the successes of her motherhood journey.

And for what it's worth, I think sometimes the people with the shiny-type blogs are just trying to document the good things because writing down all the failures would be too discouraging. I'm sure that for every embroidery project, she has a melted bowl full of bacon grease in the trash can.

But you're right, there are only so many of that kind of blogs you can take :)

Jane said...

I agree Amy- and I think that maybe at a future point in my life those blogs will have a different appeal, although, I still don't see myself elbow deep in crafts!!

Sullivan's Mom said...

I agree about finding new blogs. I do really feel like there's a secret contest out there for world's best and most creative mom and it doesn't always feel genuine...that's all. I think we all have moments of genius when we can admire the things we've done for and with our families, but I would also appreciate to hear the other side of it. The fact that the other side rarely exists is what is annoying....this idea that we can only show the world the perfect side of our the messy real stuff only happens behind closed doors - that's my issue.

Daisy said...

Another good one that I enjoy is suburban turmoil. She is very funny, and certainly not perfect.

One blog that I like, but at the same time it makes me feel a bit lacking is pleasantview schoolhouse. That woman is amazing, and her kids seem perfect. I know they can't be, but still, it feels that way when I read her posts. She seems like she has this very serene, beautiful life. I don't know why I keep reading it, but I feel myself drawn irresistably.

partlycloudypilgrim said...

You are probably already familiar with it, but here goes:
And indeed there will be time
For the yellow smoke that slides along the street,
Rubbing its back upon the window-panes;
There will be time, there will be time
To prepare a face to meet the faces that you meet;
There will be time to murder and create,

T.S. Eliot
The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock

I love these lines. Prepare a face to meet the faces that you meet. (Look, I am preparing a retreat about love, it's on the mind.) Everyone wants to be perceived a certain way and engages in "public profile management" either in real life, FB, or blogs - or whatever medium we can get our hands on.

In the last few months I have had some rude awakenings to the inescapable fact that you cannot do the right thing (show compassion) when you are putting yourself above or below someone else. i am called to show compassion - and the problem with taking blogs too seriously is that they are 2D. The person presents what they want you to see, and that's what you get.

I have finally managed to take a step back and use them for all they're good for. Either inspiration to do something you enjoy, encouragement from someone on the same path, or completely ignore.

Don't torture yourself. Read blogs written by working mothers. (They don't exist, right?)

If I don't have the entire picture of someone - how can I use what they choose to present to learn anything? Everyone has good ideas when they can be removed from real life!

Enjoying your work and doing it well - and surviving is all you can do.

I would love to be a teacher of your quality ANY DAY over making yogurt. Seriously. You are my son's HERO for all your "very firm yelling". I told him, I do that all the time. He says, "She's really good at it though."

meganary said...

I missed this post when you wrote it, but found it when I went to check if you wrote anything new :)... I actually stopped writing my blog, because I had a tendancy to only write when I was down and depressed (which, honstly, is more often then not, lately). I totally get what you are saying... but I think you can end up being the other way also. I dont think the world wants to hear about my crappy life all the time. I dont believe anyone read my blog anyways. It was a good outlet for me... but maybe I should just keep a journal on my computer :)... but I understand how you feel, because reading the blog of the prefect life of the people with the perfect family, does not help my depression. It sometimes makes me feel even more like I am a crazy, good for nothing screw up :)