I'm considering ending (for now) my life as a stay-at-home mom.
In the past few weeks, I started getting things in order to begin applying for teaching jobs.
I have mixed emotions about this.
I really love teaching - I'm proud of what I do in the classroom. I think I could do better and go further with it.
I also really love being with Sullivan. These years are certainly precious with him.
But in the long run, what better job to have with a family?
Summers off, vacations...especially once our kid(s) is(are) in school as well.
Me working would definitely free us up, though, to save money for a house, be able to do some things that we have dreamed about....??
It seems that either way there's going to be a sacrifice. And, I certainly don't think one way is better than the other. Given the right situation, I think child-care could be really beneficial - he'll be almost 14 months old by that point.
I don't know...we'll see.

so tired.
every minute fiber of my being feels exhausted.
it's pretty ridiculous.
on top of that, I took up a new hobby
(a completely old lady hobby)
crocheting!
I just 'graduated' from a class I got as a birthday gift,
and have completed one project and just embarked on two new ones.
it's funny...I started it because I thought it would save some money or something....
something to do, but also as a way to be a better consumer.
And then I went to the yarn store today and spent 72.00 on a bag full of beautiful yarn.
oops.

I've been wondering when I'll stop filtering my experiences with Sullivan through the lens of his heart. Probably never.
Are his lips blue today?
Are his hands and feet warm enough?
Why is his color off?
Is he eating enough?
I'm reminded of the first time I fed him...it was while a nurse wearing purple, latex-free gloves hovered over us, reminding me that if I was unable to get him to take the bottle, an NG tube would be inserted sooner rather than later.
Since he's sick this week, I'm reminded of that start to our lives together.

The boy is taking his 4th nap of the day.
He was up last night with his first stomach virus.
It's funny.
We've survived two open heart surgeries
and nearly 3 weeks of living in the hospital
and it's the 12 hours of vomit that almost set me almost over the edge.
How's that for a little perspective.
He's feeling much better today, although we're headed to the doc.
He has a fever now and has been tugging at an ear.

Sullivan is 9 months old.
I assume that these landmark ages are just as meaningful to all parents...
I know that they are for me.
He is clearly well and healthy - you might not notice any difference between him and any other 9 month old if you didn't know to look.
But still...I think back to the first time we heard about his heart....they asked if we wanted to continue the pregnancy! We went home that night with little hope and lots of questions.

Anyway, 9 months old and doing well!
It's crazy to see him leave infancy and move into acting more like a little boy.
He's still a baby, but he has these mannerisms and this personality that he will probably always have.